The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
2008.06.08 - Finished 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Took a while but finally got thru it, and I'm still going to review each one to get a little more in depth. But the summary of the seven habits is this:
We are responsible for our own lives. We can make things happen rather than passively accept the way we are. We can choose how to spend our time. We can choose how we react to difficulties. We can choose whether to grow or not grow from the issues we face every day.
In life there are things over which we have DIRECT CONTROL, INDIRECT CONTROL, or NO CONTROL.
DIRECT CONTROL - these are are generally internal within us; habits, reactions, etc. We are totally responsible for these issues and have total control over their outcome.
INDIRECT CONTROL - these are things which involve other people's behavior. Our ability to be proactive with these is thru sympathy, confrontation, persuasion, etc.
Most people have only three or four of these methods in their repertoire, starting usually with reasoning, and, if that doesn't work, moving to flight or fight. How liberating it is to accept the idea that I can learn new methods of human influence instead of constantly trying to use old ineffective methods to "shape up" or something else!.
NO CONTROL - these are things about which we have
very little or no control over... the weather, the stock
market, the outcome of a sporting event. Very simple...
not always easy - but simple.
No control problems involve taking the responsibility to change the line on the bottom of our face - to a smile.
HABIT 2 - BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
Start with a clear understanding of your destination. Know where you are and where you want to be, and what steps need to be taken to get there.
All things are created twice - once in someone's mind, and once again in how they are brought about.
It's a principle that all things are created twice, but not all first creations are by conscious design. In our personal lives, if we do not develop our own self-awareness and become responsible for first creations, we empower other people and circumstances... to shape much of our lives by default.
Develop a personal mission statement or philosophy or creed - it defines what you want to be and do, based on the values or principles you hold.
Sample personal statement submitted by Rolfe Kerr, a friend of Stephen Covey:
- Succeed at home first.
- Seek and merit divine help.
- Never compromise with honesty.
- Remember the people involved.
- Hear both sides before judging.
- Obtain counsel of others.
- Defend those who are absent.
- Be sincere yet decisive.
- Develop one new proficiency a year.
- Plan tomorrow's work today.
- Hustle while you wait.
- Maintain a positive attitude.
- Keep a sense of humor.
- Be orderly in person and in work.
- Do not fear mistakes - fear only the absence of creative, constructive, and corrective responses to those mistakes.
- Facilitate the success of subordinates.
- Listen twice as much as you speak.
- Concentrate all abilities and efforts on the task at hand, not worrying about the next job or promotion.
HABIT 3 - PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
There are progressively better methods to organizing and prioritizing. The first uses notes and checklists, the second adds calendars and appointment books, and the third places value on prioritized tasks. Covey presents a fourth level of organization:
Rather than focusing on things and time, focus on preserving and enhancing relationships and on accomplishing results.
A common method of organizing is to divide tasks into four quadrants:
Q1 = important and urgent
Q2 = important but not urgent
Q3 = not important but urgent
Q4 = not important and not urgent
Covey focuses on Q2 tasks because these are often things which have a big payoff later on, yet are easy to put off or continually delay. The idea here is to plant seeds - a farmer is supposed to plant seeds in order to have a crop to harvest later on. However other things may be more urgent and demanding of his time. Yet if he never gets around to planting seeds he will eventually windup being a farmer without a farm.
Another common mistake is to allow ourselves to slide down to Q3 or Q4 because these items are simple or easy tasks. Being tired, frustrated or bored will cause us to look for an easy way to feel "productive".
A big point about Q2 focus was the idea of planning out each week. Review the tasks and time available, and plan your week based on what you want to accomplish. This has an even greater impact if time is spent understanding what your values are and how they shape any goals you may have.
There are six methods of how people deal with each other:
1. I win, you win too
2. I win, you lose
3. I lose, you win
4. I lose, you lose
5. I win and I don't care if you win or lose
6. I win, you win too or no deal
Obviously the best scenario is win/win, however that won't always be the case. This is where Covey suggests adding "no deal" to the equation.
Saying "no deal" isn't simply walking away from negotiation. It is telling the other person you want them to win also, and if that is not possible then you won't accept anything else - even a win/lose agreement.
This has the power of letting the other person know you want to act with integrity in assuring their position is considered as well. It can have an incredible effect in negotiating an agreement when the other person knows you will not take advantage of them.
HABIT 5 - UNDERSTAND BEFORE BEING UNDERSTOOD
This seems to be an obvious truth, however our nature is to focus on ourselves, thus we need to be reminded of it repeatedly. Covey brings up this additional point:
Empathetic listening takes time, but it doesn't take anywhere near as much time as it takes to back up and correct misunderstandings when you/re already miles down the road, to redo, to live with unexpressed and unsolved problems, to deal with the results of not giving people [the opportunity to be understood.]
Once we have spent the time it takes to understand the other point of view we have credibility to begin to present out own.
This topic is one that hit me where it counted... a whole page was written that spoke directly to my heart:
When you communicate synergistically, you are simply opening your mind and heart and expressions to new possibilities, new alternatives, new options.
...many people have not really experienced even a moderate degree of synergy in their family life or in other interactions. They've been trained and scripted into defensive and protective communications or into believing that life or other people can't be trusted. As a result, they are never really open to Habit 6 and to these principles.
This represents one of the great tragedies and wastes in life, because so much potential remains untapped - completely undeveloped and unused. Ineffective people live day after day with unused potential. They experience synergy only in small, peripheral ways in their lives.
They may have memories of unusual creative experiences, perhaps in athletics, where they were involved in a real team spirit for a period of time. Or perhaps they were in an emergency situation where people cooperated to an unusually high degree and submerged ego and pride in an effort to save someone's life or to produce a solution to a crisis.
To many, such events may seem unusual, almost out of character with life, even miraculous. But this is not so. These things can be produced regularly, consistently, almost daily in people's lives. But it requires enormous personal security and openness and a spirit of adventure. Most all creative endeavors are somewhat unpredictable. They often seem ambiguous, hit-or-miss, trial and error. And unless people have a high tolerance for ambiguity and get their security from integrity to principles and inner values they find it unnerving and unpleasant to be involved in highly creative enterprises. Their need for structure, certainty, and predictability is too high.
Wow... that says so much about what goes on inside me and the challenges I face. Many times I've wondered what it was about me that was frightened by the idea of having fun with others - and this is it. There's an unpredictable component which requires vulnerability to experience.
Too many times I've sat on the sidelines while others had fun because I was afraid to be vulnerable.
Ouch - if nothing else, this was why I needed to read this book.
Sharpening the saw is another obvious truth, but like others, is one we neglect repeatedly. It's a Q2 (important but not urgent) item that is easy to delay or diminish in value.
Covey points to four areas of focus:
PHYSICAL: Not just exercising, but eating correctly and getting enough rest.
Exercise is one of those... activities that most of us don't do consistently because it isn't urgent. And because we don't do it, sooner or later we find ourselves... dealing with health problems and crises that come as a natural result of our neglect.
MENTAL: After getting thru school most of us remain intellectually unchallenged. No in depth study, no efforts at clear and concise writing, no serious reading. Instead we surrender ourselves to the nightly habit of sitting on the couch watching TV.
SOCIAL/EMOTIONAL: We are social creatures, made to interact with others. The problem (particularly for me) is that often people can be the most frustrating and difficult things to be around.
They can be the most annoying, demanding, critical, uncaring, unrewarding, inefficient, contradictory, confusing, unpredictable... the list can go on and on.
However - nothing on earth is as uplifting, sacrificial, loving, giving, intriguing, rewarding, satisfying... again the list can go on and on.
To get the good, you must risk encountering the bad. Nothing is guaranteed and a choice must be made.
SPIRITUAL: This one is sort of built in to me. Everything to me is viewed thru a spiritual lens, and nothing in life is as important as our relationship to God.
A simple truth is that if you are willing to seriously search for God and understand Him, then the process reverses instead of you reaching for Him, He reaches for you. And that is how you find God.
BEST QUOTES
In the chapter about Habit 7, Sharpen the Saw, the topic of sacrificing yourself as a form of renewing thru social interaction, and George Bernard Shaw is quoted:
This is the true joy in life - that being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. That being a force of nature, instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It's a sort of splendid torch which I've got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.
7 Blunders
And then while totally wasting time last night I wandered across these 7 blunders, literally called "The 7 Blunders of the World" written by Gandhi. Kind of serendipitous...
The 7 Blunders of the world written by Gandhi.
- Wealth without work
- Pleasure without conscience
- Knowledge without character
- Commerce without morality
- Science without humanity
- Worship without sacrifice
- Politics without principle
More from Ghandi - Top Ten Fundamentals For Changing the World